The disability educator and the healthcare worker: case studies in older women and the toxic workplace
Today’s blog post from Myfan Jordan (@myfan_jordan) of Grassroots Research Studio follows last week’s article describing workplace experiences for women over 40 during the COVID-19 pandemic: Pandemic or endemic: older women and the toxic workplace. Today, we hear the experiences of a disability educator and a healthcare worker during the pandemic. In their own words, they tell us of the psychological health and safety risks they experienced working at the frontline.
The disability educator - in her own words
I qualified as a teacher in my 40s and found I was particularly good with students with severe disabilities. It can be challenging, but I worked very well, I was passionate about it. I secured some contract work at a well-known school for challenging behaviours. I got on well with my colleagues, the pupils and their families. But one teacher…I knew intuitively this woman was competitive; blind to other people’s needs. I was careful to placate her because I saw her bullying other staff. There’s a sense that, ‘Well it’s not happening to me’ and I feel guilty about that now, but the bully was a permanent staff member and the union rep. She was also best friends with the team leader and there was collusion.
When I would suggest something, she would routinely take credit. She would discourage me from doing extra training saying, ‘I’ll teach you; I’ll mentor you’. But that never happened. She used me for my ideas.
I was doing a good job and they offered me an ongoing position. I was grateful, but also felt all was not well. I was working 90 hours a week and holidays, while constantly navigating curve balls from this staff member. I was quite popular and when the Principal suggested that I could become a team leader too, that set the bully off. She started to micromanage me. I was separated from staff I had been working really well with and put into a new classroom. I was given the most students: ten kids with severe disabilities, when the Department [of Education] recommends maximum of four-six students. It meant 30 per cent more administrative work; emotional work as well.
I was becoming intuitive to the dynamic of the place – the politics. In meetings, the bully would say things like: ‘the teacher who has xxx student didn’t do X and Y, isn’t that terrible?’ And it was my student. That started happening all the time; this dismissiveness and passive aggression. Initially, my reporting work had been hailed as thorough; now I was having to redo everything. I was really stressed about the spotlight on my work and complained a few times. But this just seemed to result in collusion by management. They were letting her run me.
One day the bully said to me, ‘Can we talk?’ and I thought, ‘Fantastic, we can sort things out’. It turned out to be disciplinary meeting; about my’ difficulty in communicating’. I knew that I was articulate; that I actually showed her up when she made many mistakes. So I went to see the Principal and said, ‘this has to stop’. The Principal agreed to mentor me for leadership and later said: ‘I’ve asked her to back off’.
“The next term, we were flat out. The emotional burden was enormous. ”
The bully and her team leader friend ramped up the pressure on me, belittling me in meetings, changing support staff - I never knew what was happening. They even changed which students I taught for electives. They started timing my lunch breaks… watching me. And it wasn’t only me, there were now groups of staff saying; ‘why aren’t management doing anything?’
One day I was left alone with a student with complex behavioural issues. All of a sudden, I was being mauled, bitten. He grabbed me by the mouth and pulled me to the ground, then ran off. I was in complete shock and called the nurse. The Principal came to the nursing station, and I said, ‘we've had a really hard year. A lot of staff are unhappy. There's been complaints of bullying and yet nothing done yet'. And she just said, 'it's all gossip'. I was so angry. I didn't even receive proper first aid.
We have to record all incidents though, and it turned out this student was known to social welfare. His past included severe trauma. I was like a cat on a hot tin roof because of the incident. I had PTSD but just didn't realise. After work I would collapse in the car. I was traumatised; my fingers were bleeding from anxiety, and I was having panic attacks… bursting into tears at work. I would photograph injuries, holes in the wall. The other students were growing anxious too, but due to confidentiality, I wasn't able to tell other families what was going on: I was managing the situation alone.
I didn't take sick leave, because of the ongoing innuendoes about my capacity coming from the bullies, but I contacted the union and wrote to the Principal stating; 'this is having an impact on my wellbeing'.
From then on, the Principal micromanaged me. I was in her office three days times a day… responding to; 'Maybe you're not coping that well?' She offered no strategies to manage the violence. This was a work site! Then other staff started to look at me funnily; I was increasingly ignored in meetings; ostracised but at the same time being watched. I couldn't even sit in the staff room.
Things came to a head when the same student destroyed a changing cubicle. He tore off the toilet seat and taps, and we had to isolate him. I thought, 'this child is so traumatised'. I was called into the Principal's office, and she said, 'we're very concerned. You're clearly not coping' and I went 'what?!' I felt so powerless. I actually started to think, maybe you're right…maybe it is me… Yeah… gaslighting.
I went to the doctor straight away and was diagnosed with PTSD, depression and anxiety. I let the school know I was taking sick leave that very day and from there, was completely frozen out. They asked for my keys back, the iPad. Here I am suffering trauma and I was made to feel it was my fault. What's most heartbreaking is that the pupils suffered. Many staff resigned. Psychologically, it reverberates through your whole life. I thought that I wasn't good enough for teaching but in actual fact I was very good - that was the problem, the challenging of power. The workplace was never safe. Rules about 'top tier behaviours' weren't adhered to. There was no review of their processes; no checks or balances whatsoever. The bully has actually been promoted and is now in a senior position. This woman is not safe - let alone qualified. Teachers don't want to complain, they just move on.
The healthcare worker – in her own words
Prior to COVID, I'd get asked, 'what's your future looking like? And I would just say 'I'm on a transition to retirement… three - five years'. I wasn't keen on hanging around unless I could contribute. They said that I should stay working. I was 65 and I'd had a second cancer diagnosis, but I took it on board and everybody was supportive. I didn't get any sense they wanted me gone. When COVID happened, everyone advised me to work from home because I was on chemo. I'm a chronic diseases nurse and had moved to this regional hospital 20 years before. I'd built up their Diabetes Centre and now supervised a team of 15 senior and junior staff. Mainly women around 40.
A few months in [to COVID] I started hearing comments in zoom meetings. Things like, 'you don't really need to be working from home.' I increasingly got a sense nobody was interested in what I saying. They were ignoring my direction and acting independently. Next I hear three of them have gone to the executive director to say they are unhappy with me working from home. So when I returned to onsite work, I instigated conflict resolution with an external facilitator. I had thought everything was going swimmingly but the issues continued. People were going one, two, even three levels above me - not to complain but to ask for something; or just to make comment on the roster: operational stuff I was responsible for.
One particular team member kept purposely questioning my authority; mistrusting my decision making. I had already been managing her behaviour as it cropped up. I'm not the sort of do things behind anybody's back. There are difficult people in every workplace and managing them can be problematic. I was seeking to understand her a little better. I had had to get onto her about time management a number of times. She would just say, 'We need more staff. We need more this and that'. I would say 'We just need to do things more efficiently.' In the business plan I was developing we were looking at more telehealth, remote consultations, etc.
After the initial complaint, I ran an issues log. In our weekly meetings I made sure to give everyone the opportunity to have their say because, you know, 'You're not communicating properly'. Apart from that old furphy, they couldn't name anything wrong. How can you work with that? If there's not a clear complaint, there's no clear resolution. There was still this push back though. A nurse I had mentored for five years started to turn against me and I don't know why - maybe she thought I'd be retired sooner? She'd been acting up in my position and she became very challenging, asking things like: 'I wasn't here last Wednesday, did you have a meeting?' And I'd reply; 'we have a meeting every Wednesday, you know that'. 'Yeah, well, I haven't seen the minutes'. 'The minutes are where they always are'. And I'd send an email confirming and reminding everybody 'this is where the minutes are filed.' This sort of conversation went on and on. At one stage I asked; 'Do you have a problem with me? You're questioning things and I just want to know if there's anything we should discuss?' She said no. I discussed it with my boss several times; what we were going to do, how we were going to resolve the conflict. I even wrote up a plan..
“The team had been collaborative and respectful initially, but in COVID it just flipped a switch. ”
The nurse who was acting as onsite manager when I was working from home decided to go to my boss about it. I think she felt that everything fell to her; she was overwhelmed. But when I asked her, 'What is it?' She just said, 'everything'. I'd say, 'What is everything? Drop some work in my lap' But she'd respond, 'everything we do is a problem. This isn't working well'. You couldn't pin her down. But if they can't come up with specifics… I can't mother teenagers... She decided to go to my boss and then they all decided to go: individually, not as a group. I think it's worse.
The issue was she felt I wasn't carrying my burden - in fact, she wasn't. When I was back on site, I remember one time I was preparing our annual planning meeting; putting the final touches on the new business plan and she came into my office and just said, 'You know this isn't working, don't you?' I said, "What? What's 'this?’ 'It's just not working' she said. I turned my back and carried on.
A month later one of the team got another job. We had a collection, all signed a card. We were supposed to go for lunch, but lockdown meant we couldn't. The day she was leaving I went to her desk at midday and said, 'It's been great; you'll do well.' Encouraging stuff, you know. Then at 12:30, our normal meeting time, I went into the meeting room and you know what? They were all there. There had been a presentation and everything and I wasn't invited. As soon as I walked in…the look of shock on their faces…
It was incredibly upsetting. I went upstairs and broke down. My manager was aware of everything because we'd been talking throughout and she said, 'just go home, go home.' And I haven't been back - I can't. I read my diary from over those months and can see it as plain as day how: the white anting, the gaslighting. All written down. Being ignored; questioned; overwritten. It was the very definition of workplace bullying because you can't pin them down. Each incident on its own is nothing, but when you hang them together, it tells a terrible story. I was getting treated for cancer but not one of them had said, 'Are you OK?' I had that little bit more to give, but kept hearing, 'We need to get some youngsters here. We need new blood.'
In 2023, Grassroots Research Studio is collaborating with renowned glass artist Emma Borland to platform women's experiences in the workplace. Have you experienced a 'toxic' workplace? Contact myfan@grassrootsresearch.com.au to share your story in a confidential online interview.
Many women workers who have experienced problems in the workplace, including occupational burnout, work part-time or flexible hours. Have you worked part-time? Was it a positive experience? Take this short Grassroots Survey: Part-time work: a lifesaver or just more work in less time? You tell us: https://form.typeform.com/to/vr3geJ6O
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